Snow White Chicana

Your such a little Guerra.

You must be the mail man’s baby

What you don’t speak Spanish

What kind of Mexican are you?

Questions and statements like these were the words that tormented me

Growing up A little Snow White Chicana

searching for identity in a society who’s white washed lies could not define me

was strange indeed.

My brown eyes

were a symbol of the brown pride

instilled inside me

but it went unseen.

Goes to show

Eyes blinded by stereo types will always deceive

Picked and poked at by friends and family

They made me feel like it was wrong

Like my porcelain pigment was not a gift of European decent

or the diversity that binds this blood

the beauty that bags these bones

the skin that houses my home

It is a gift

My temple is full of pride in my ancestry

the good and the bad in me

and I am aware of my history now

but the battles I fought within myself

to not hate the skin I grew in then

made for a reckless adolescents undeserving of the ignorance

Truth is

I just wanted to fit in

So I’d tease my bangs extra high

and adorn my eyes with lines extra wide

even pierced my skin with them three dots one time

Had to prove it was a crazy life

Because even though my skin was white

I was brown inside

and even I could be a chola

But that was just a phase

I got over it by 9th grade

And that’s just about the time I had my first nightmare with self tanner

Silly Snow White Chicana would rather take the shade Umpa Lumpa

than the tone that she got from her Mama

It wasn’t until my college years that I let go of that drama

took a seat in Chicano Studies

learned to love my ghostly epidermis

and realized the true value of the color I’d been fighting all those years

For there is a truth here

and it slaps reality into the false identity that stares our youth in the face each day

We were not made to poke fun at each other and there is not just one race

And all of these different shades are what make us more the same

And though I am proud of my Raza

the hate that exists within the confines of color is a disgrace

and I am no longer ashamed

The pain, anguish and courage endured to create my Spanish Mexica mixture

and Mestizo culture is something I am proud of today

See,

We have nothing to prove

and to me

Brown Pride means celebrating our culture and educating our youth

and standing up for the one’s we exclude

The greatest thing we could ever do is tell the people the truth

Yet, Chicano history is absent in most of the books provided to our youth

and so they’ve just a small clue of all the colors that they should be proud of too

There’s no running from the fact that Kids’ will always tease kids in the school yard

and we may never know the complete truth

American History will always be askew

and that is why it is up to me and it is up to you

to teach all the little brown ones

little white ones,

little black, red, purple, yellow ones

the reasons they are perfect

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